“That” guy.

I remember the looks…(still feel ’em slide accross the back of my neck sometimes as a matter of fact). The way it felt when I walked into a room and could about hear the eyes all roll. “Here comes damaged goods”, “here comes the asshole”, another twist to a ratted out tail they were all tired of watching unfurl. My welcome had worn out and so had my excuses.

I was what you could call shunned more or less. Whatever you called it, I wasn’t welcome in more circles than I was aware of and just below the surface was a simmering hostility I was too deluded to see. The sarcasm bit a little deeper and the easy handshakes came with a new sense of serious consideration as old friends took that extra tick to debate their association with me.

Hearing about a close friend and amazingly talented artist who is catching the same series of cold shoulders due to a glitch in his own control mechanism is both sad and stunning. I now understand why the calls have yet to be returned and the stories I hear get progressively darker. It’s all true and it’s all too familiar territory. Lucky for him, he’s just at the door where I was well into the room (usually found sprawled out in the very middle actually). Maybe he can reel it all back and turn some of this around.

Hope so…too many of the good ones get caught in this cycle and eventually people just see them as beyond reach. Not worth the effort or tired from too many tries. Better to just let them slide into the realm of the cautionary tale. Another black skid telling the next in line when to swerve.

36 thoughts on ““That” guy.

  1. definitley consider yourself among the lucky. You are right, so many end up being shunned by others for being what most consider too far gone. My guy was the same, self destructive, for what ever internal demons were posessing him, but he finally rose out of the ashes, stronger then ever, and hasnt looked back. Thats the kind of person I can respect.

      1. Had a friend the same way he was a sweetheart and an absolute doll but to most outsiders he seemed jaded and angry and they avoided him with a wary trepidation. He had been hurt by family, death, loss, friends and relationships (hell, who hasn’t) but, he would be outwardly hostile to a degree and didn’t realize how often he pushed people away but, there were a few of us who reeled him back in. I’m sorry your friend is going through the same thing..think you may have the ability to help at some point since you’ve been there?

          1. *shakes head* You remember that and you could just avoid him but, you aren’t avoiding him or the situation and that makes you a good man. Don’t underestimate yourself.

  2. I didn’t know you back then but if the person you are now is a result of you turning your life around you did a fine job. Hope yer buddy give you a call so you can lend him a hand.

    1. Heh…well, I had to do a lot stumblin’ before I could walk I guess and I still teeter now and again. Back then I just didn’t see a reason to apply the breaks and now I realize there’s quite a bit more around the curves.

      1. I hear ya man. We all still do a bit of teeterin’ every once in awhile. As long as we don’t teeter too far we’re alright. One thing I have learned is that a person can’t be helped unless they want to help themselves. It’s unfortunate but usually it takes something really traumatic to happen before they realize that they need help. I went through a pretty bad time a year or so ago and didn’t start getting my act together until something happened that made me step back and realize what I was doing to myself and the people around me. On the other side of that, I recently tried to help someone who I knew desperately needed help but it was obvious that, even though they said they knew they needed help, they weren’t ready to make that commitment. Hopefully one day they’ll decide to make that commitment, get the help they need and will be a lot happier and healthier for doing it. I wish the best for your friend. You are doing the best thing by waiting for him to call you.

  3. Not to detract from your subject matter–there’s really nothing I could add to what you’ve already said anyway–but damn, Vaughn. When you choose to do so, you can craft some potent prose.

    1. Oh…I am making referance to my previous lives in Atlanta and Los Angeles. This place hasn’t seen anything close to my worst. We do have a good time though Mike.

  4. There is nothing left of the glimpse I saw of the old Vaughn when we first “met”….Sometimes they come knocking, but you have always chosen the high road…I love you and am SO lucky to be your wife…. You should have seen the look on my face when that girl at B’s wedding thought you had left me sitting outside…I was like who are you and who in the fuck are you talking about??? Not the Vaughn I know….that is for damn sure. It was almost the same look when I saw psycho keep bringing up the clown crap….I wonder why they think they know anything about you anymore…You have earned my respect for always…

    1. Yeah well, it can be hard for people to see a new shade once their eyes have adjusted if you know what I mean baby. Love you.

        1. I know you don’t know me I am a friend of V’s I have to say that I am totally in love with you I saw what you posted to S Thanks She has done that same to so many people including myself Someone had to put her in her place Cheers babe! Vaughn you are a lucky bastard!

          1. cheers cupcake!! Still a mystery as to how the myspace email that I sent her got posted on her lj, but I have a very strong feeling that it was she doing all the dirty work, in another attempt at a serious cry for help. Someone brilliant once told me “you can’t win with a pyschopath”, perhaps not, but I can certainly call one on their shit. I am so going to add you. xxoo

  5. The perspicacity of this screams a level of introspection that I always knew you capable of yet never really expected to see. It looks good on you and for what it is worth, I am proud.

  6. Sometimes (to quote Nick Cave) it’s just a town fulla men (and women) with big mouths and NO GUTS! How the hell are ya?

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